Swifter, Higher, Stronger....skimpier

I was at the gym yesterday, forced to watch the Olympics because that is what was being shown on all the TVs in front of the cardio machines. It was rowing, a sport the UK - excuse me, 'Team GB' - is good at. So the commentary was insufferable, full of exhortations to yell at the TV screen to urge the coxless fours on. As I was thinking what kind of twit would do that, the pixie with the blond ponytail next to me on the treadmill started screaming 'come on, guys, come on!'

So I was getting fed up and was about to leave when they switched over to the women's beach volleyball. Suddenly I thought, well, perhaps I should take a little while to enjoy this acme of athletic competition, where sporting endeavour bridges the gap between cultures. I did watch for a bit, but ended up being annoyed at the fundamental dishonesty; the announcers were treating it like a normal sport, and not that the only reason it was on was that there were incredibly hot chicks in bikinis falling about in the sand.

The American broadcaster NBC is far worse - this slide show supposedly explains the rules of the game, but is there only to show some incredibly toned backsides. This is utterly gratuitous, yet, somehow when I look at it, the mind doesn't stay focused on the gender politics.

Since nobody cares about 95% of these sports, I want to hear announcers being more forthright about the sordid reasons we watch. Maybe Gabby Logan could say, "Here comes Usain Bolt in tight fitting Lycra - check out that package, ladies" or even "Welcome home, Gary Glitter - just in time for the 'women's' gymnastic finals, exclusively here on the BBC."