Gay magnet

So I was in the shower at the gym today. Now, I'm not particularly that self-conscious about my body, but showering with strange men is a trifle weird. It is odd to think that the couple of, shall we say, adornments on my body have been seen only by a few lucky ladies - and almost any guy who happens to be in the Oasis Sports Centre changing room of a weekday lunch time.

Anyway, for some reason the changing room was almost deserted and I found myself sharing the shower (there are about 10 communal showers) with one other guy who was across the way. I didn't look at him - because as you know, the first rule in Shower Club is: don't make eye contact. The second rule of Shower Club: don't make eye contact. So I was merrily showering away, but I soon felt the weight of his stare and turned around.

I'd seen him before. He is one of these people who have a malevolent presence as if sirens are going off around him saying, 'Warning, warning, avert your eyes, there's a psycho here.' He is massive, about 6 foot, maybe stretching 300 pounds, both muscly and fat. He is heavily tattooed and all of them look home, or prison, made. Most have football or England motifs, the one on his head - yes, covering his shaved head - says 'Skins' which I take to be some sort of hooligan casual group.

I looked across. He was staring at me with what I can only describe as intense longing. This dumbstruck sort of panting look. I quickly looked away. Maybe I had imagined that. Then he came over as I was soaping up, to the shower just next to me. I will reiterate: there was no one else in the shower room. 'Can I help you with that, mate?' he mumbled.

No, I guess I hadn't imagined that. I said, 'thank you, no' and quickly left. Later, I was sort of chuckling over it. Not just because of the comic possibilites of a moment of tendresse between me and some guy whose perfect weekend probably involves beating Millwall supporters to a pulp. But also - do you try to seduce someone by calling them 'mate'? Is this what gays do (or in the States do they say - Hey, you're looking pretty hot, dude?')? Is it me or is mate, even in the context when it means to copulate, a really unsexy word?

If he had started quoting Baudelaire - then I would have been his.